On the Word "Scrooge"

(Written in December of 2006)

Lately everyone who finds out that I don't like Xmas has started calling me a “Scrooge.” This happens every year. I'm used to it, I know it's coming. But it still bothers me.

Ebeneezer Scrooge is a fictional character. He hates Xmas, yes. But that is not his primary character trait. He hates every day, and everyone.

His real character description is an unhappy old man who is obsessed with money and material goods. He is miserable because he puts his wealth first, and despises interpersonal relationships. This is all the result of a bad childhood, of course, and as such, not entirely his fault. But he is NOT miserable BECAUSE he hates Xmas. He is miserable because he only cares about things, not people.

In the end, he comes around. I've been told that “Even Scrooge came around and started liking Xmas!! Why can't you?” He didn't come around in that he started liking the holiday. He came around in that he became kind, loving, compassionate, and generous. As a result of this, he started being nice to people on Xmas. He also started being nice to people every other day of the year. Xmas is just a coincidental time frame, and not at all necessary to this story.

Why am I going into all this? Because I am not a “Scrooge.” I am not greedy and materialistic. In fact, that is one of the things I hate so much about Xmas. Every year my family drags me into the practice of exchanging gifts. Not thoughtful gifts, mind you; everyone has to make a list of what DVDs and CDs etc. they want, and everyone goes shopping with that list in hand because it's all about the STUFF.

Every year I tell them I don't want to exchange gifts this year. I don't mind driving up to my grandmother's house and eating dinner. I can stand the awful Xmas carols, and I can even stand being dragged to church. But I do not want to deal with the obsession with STUFF. I want no part of it.

Every year they get mad at me. They tell me I'm doing it and that's final. It's just not Xmas unless we all open up some expensive piece of crap that we don't need. They're buying me something and I'd better tell them what to buy or they'll get me something I really don't like.

I say fine. You want to buy something for me? Here, take this catalogue that I get in the mail every year. Pick an animal and buy it for a family elsewhere in the world who really needs it. Do it in my name, take the confirmation certificate and wrap it up in a big box. Nothing could make me happier than to open that up.

They roll their eyes at me. There is NO FUCKING WAY they are going to do that. Xmas is about the STUFF, not about generosity or kindness or helping the less fortunate. And I'd better come up with something “real” or I'm going to hate whatever they buy me.

They don't need to tell me that I have to buy something for them. They know that I'll guilt myself into facing the crowds with my list in hand.

Thing is, I enjoy giving things to people. I try to do it in subtle ways all year round. Want to go to lunch? Here, I'll pay for your sandwich too. Little sister, how about you come to the store with me? What's that, you really can't wait till you save up enough money to buy that pair of jeans? Tell you what, save your money for something else, I'll get em for you. We're meeting our grandparents at the restaurant for dinner, mom? Ah, that was a good meal... No, no, I'll get the bill. I insist.

These things make me feel good. Sometimes people even appreciate them, although most of the time they just take it for granted. But I keep doing it anyway, because I am a generous person and I like it that way.

I hate exchanging gifts during Xmas because I'm forced to. I don't want to give because I HAVE to, I want to do it just because. And I hate it when people buy stuff for me. I have enough money to buy whatever I need – I'd prefer that other people's money go to something more worthy. I like to work for what I have. And I don't like having a ton of stuff anyway – I don't need it, and I prefer to spend my money on the people I care about than the material things that will never fill the empty hole in my life.

So what does this all come down to? I don't like exchanging gifts, so I'm a Scrooge? That's absurd. If anyone is a Scrooge, it's all the people who think Xmas can't pass without everyone getting lots of STUFF they don't need. It's all the greedy, materialistic people in my family who refuse to donate to charity in place of buying a DVD. A DVD I don't even really want.

And heaven forbid I should give any of my gifts to charity after Xmas. Why, that would be just plain ungrateful.

Now how could anyone possibly call ME a Scrooge? That is just fucking insulting.