Satire in Petronius' Satyricon

This is a paper written for an ancient comedy class in the Classical Studies department in response to the question, is "Dinner With Trimalchio" (from Petronius' Satyricon) satire?

Satire is a literary form which utilizes irony and often humor in an implicit way to criticize and denounce vice, folly, or a social situation which the author believes needs to be changed in some way. “Dinner With Trimalchio” from Petronius’ Satyricon is often referred to as satire, but there is some debate over whether it truly falls into this category.

It is certainly true that the episode is humorous and ironic. Trimalchio is quite easily compared to the Roman Emperor Nero, who was famous for his extravagance. This character is portrayed as a man who believes a little too strongly in his own worth, to the point where his guests are disgusted with his self righteous speeches. Every character in the episode, even those who complain about the price of bread and the sad state of the society, fails to hesitate when presented with rich foods and wine, and their greed causes them to bear the seemingly endless speeches of their host. Human vice and folly are abundant, and presented in such a way as to be amusing to the reader.

But where is the criticism? Certainly these traits are pointed at and laughed about, but nowhere in the text does Petronius suggest that anything should be changed. Indeed, if such criticism is present, it is extremely implicit. While the text certainly can be read as a critique of the behavior it presents, the reader cannot be sure if the author sees any reason to change it, or if he is merely laughing at a society which he gladly makes himself a part of.

In fact, the real difficulty in determining the answer to this question is the lack of a definite identity for the author. It is widely believed, but not proven, that the author was Gaius Petronius, who held the office of “arbiter of tastes” under Nero, and was a close friend to the emperor (vi). This Petronius was known for his extravagance, gluttony, and sloth – all of the attributes, in fact, which are mocked in “Dinner With Trimalchio.” If this man truly is the author of this piece, then it seems next to impossible that he desires to make any change to this condition of society. It is possible that he seeks to parody Nero in the character of Trimalchio, but if he were truly denouncing the emperor, he was also denouncing himself, as he is equally guilty of these vices.

It is also possible that a completely different Petronius wrote this work, in which case we have no information on him. Such an alternative author could very well have been denouncing the social climate and painting the emperor as an overzealous, gluttonous fool through the character of Trimalchio, and using the dinner guests to represent greedy, self-serving aristocrats and officials. The tale can certainly be read with this tone in mind.

And so the final conclusion is, in fact, inconclusive. We as modern readers can only speculate as to whether the work is intended as criticism or not. If so, then it is a fantastic satire. If not, then perhaps the title really does refer only to the raunchy tales of satyrs, and the novel was meant only as crude, humorous entertainment.

Angry Poem

A poem written in anger at a friend who hurt me.

you want a poem?
i'll give you a fucking poem.

a poem with no rhythm unless it's spoken aloud
--no
SCREAMED and slammed against the wall to make it appropriate for my mood

slam poetry
a slammed poem
i lack the strength to slam it hard enough
for regardless of my strengths
I. Am. Weak.

powerless.

i sent you a slammed poem on that cd that i put so much work into
you made fun of the cd
and made no comment on the track

I. Am. Weak.

powerless to stop myself from being myself from being so powerless

and i am strong

Stronger than you.

if only i had your strength.

the strength to deny who i am, what i want, how i act, what i feel
the strength to hold it in
to lie to the world

I don't.

anyhow, what you don't say is always easier to read than what you do
those are my words
i do not give you permission to say them to someone else

i go on about Truth
Truth is, no one will ever truly want me
Truth is, anyone i'm unfortunate enough to fall for gets bored of fucking with my head before long
Truth is, i scare the hell out of everyone when they realize i'm really like this
Truth is, i will always be alone
i will never feel at home
i will spend my life Alone

i am in a mood
because of what you did
to avoid putting me in a mood

because i'm at work and not in your arms
because you will never hold me as i fall asleep
because where i am sitting now i am not allowed to cry
i am in a mood

would i rather be used than alone?
i suppose i think so

i'm a walking contradiction Because
THAT is what a human being is
when you strip away the bullshit

you can make me smile without even trying
you have to work hard to make me frown

Do you know how to slam a poem?

you don't write it on flowered paper sprayed with perfume
you don't seal it with a kiss
you don't whisper it into your lover's ear
you scream it
SCREAM IT
at whoever is there
at the audience
at your family
at the mirror
at a Brick Wall
you fluctuate the volume of your voice
you make dramatic pauses and take deeper breaths than you should
you may even hyperventilate
Words Tumble Forth With Endless Passionate Emotion And
there is rarely a rhyme scheme

you asked me for my voice
for the silence less harsh
wouldn't you prefer silence to the screaming nonsense in my head?

I haven't written a poem in years.

a pretty love poem for her, not for me, because i'm not close enough to fuck

A B A B A B A B, in iambic hexameter
A A B B C C D D, or iambic pentameter

there's plenty of templates for lines that other people have written
ending in rhyming words
a waltz or a march or some other musical bullshit

this shell has seen changes
gone through different phases
has been certain then lost
is unsure of the cost of it all

i can rhyme
there's no point

it's not nice to rip apart and make fun of everything i worked so hard to send you
it's not nice to immediately brag about the poem you are writing for another woman
it's not nice to ask my opinion while ignoring my question about what it's for
it's not nice to tell me my opinion counts for nothing because i'm... Biased.

i said what i said, i've meant every word
i don't know what to do
what to say
what to think
what to believe
what's the truth

I've never lied to you. I never will.

do i scare you because i mean what i say?

i'm in a mood
it will pass

Brief Satire

A short satirical rant written out of boredom at work one day during a bout of terrible weather.

I'd very much like to sleep. I'm sure when I get home tonight I still won't be able to sleep. There'll be more thunderstorms, and then more heat, and then more thunderstorms... If there's a God, she's PISSED.

It's because of the gays of course. Too many of them walking around going unsmitten. All of the decent heterosexuals of the world will just have to suffer the punishment for not tying all the gays to fences and beating them to death. They're all desperately trying to make up for it now, of course, outlawing gay marriage and protesting at soldier's funerals, but it's a day late and a dollar short. There's still living, breathing homosexuals walking this earth, falling in love with each other and forming happy families, and that just plain gives God the willies.

Certainly couldn't have anything to do with the fact that we're pumping a thousand times more CO2 into the air than the plant life can handle, and then raizing the rainforest to the ground just in case they might have had a chance. Couldn't possibly the pollution from burning fossil fuels. After all, God created the earth for our use - he most certainly would not have designed it so that we could upset the natural balance of things.

After all, he dropped us on earth and said "have a good time!" He taught Adam how to kill things, and Eve how to cook and clean and mind the children and keep her body hidden, and when we finished hunting all the dinosaurs, he just created new animals for us to kill. In fact, we really should be finishing off the rest of those endangered species so that we can see what new animals God will make for us next!

Surely, if the rest of the women in the world are covered up and kept quietly in the home with the kids, and the rest of the gays are violently beaten to death with rocks or shot down with sub-machine guns, God will be so proud that he'll provide us with all the coal we could ever want to burn for energy.

Come to think of it, if we could build some sort of camp to send all the gays to, it would be much easier to dispose of them all at once. We could even tell them it was for their own good to live together in one community rather than breathing the same air as the heterosexuals, you know, make them feel comfortable with the idea. Then, once they get there, we could shoot them all or even just gas them, probably cheaper that way. Their belongings would become property of the state, of course. And once they were all disposed of, there would never be another homosexual again, since they couldn't pass their nasty gay-germs on. Not to mention that it would be the end of AIDS and meth use.

Everyone would have to be careful to cover their faces with masks, so they didn't inhale any of the germs. The last thing we would need is another outbreak of Gay.

Public Service Announcement

Ever wonder if your so-called friends are gone, or just ignoring you? Bonus points if you get the Highlights for Kids reference!

-=Setting Your Away Message=-

Setting your away message is an important skill to have when using an instant messaging program such as AOL Instant Messenger. It allows you to leave your computer without leaving all your friends hanging.

Goofus doesn't think away messages are important. He leaves his computer and instant messaging program on, and walks away to have lunch, without putting up an away message. Let's see what happens:

hAx0r6969: yo goofus
hAx0r6969: we r goin 2 the free pr0n thing 2nite u in?
hAx0r6969: ut?
hAx0r6969: wtf man
hAx0r6969: if u don want 2 go then just say so
hAx0r6969: fine man wut a fuckin ass we r not friens ne more

Won't Goofus be upset when he realizes that he just missed the free porn giveaway, and lost his best friend?

Gallant, on the other hand, understands the importance of away messages. He also leaves his computer to have lunch, but he leaves an away message:

hAx0r6969: hey gallant theres a free pr0n giveaway u comin 2nite?
Auto-Reply from XtianSole2002: I have stepped away from my computer to pray and have lunch. I will be back in a while. If you wish to reach me, you can call me on my cell phone. God Bless.
hAx0r6969: dude u r so fuckin ghey

See the difference an away message makes?

"But PSA Announcer, we don't know how to leave an away message!"

Why, it's simple, audience member. All you have to do is go to your messenger window, click the "Away" button (on AIM this is usually near the bottom and shaped like a yellow piece of notebook paper), click "Set my away message" and, in the window that pops up, type your message, then click "I'm Away." Easy as pie!

"But I don't know how to cook pie."

Shut up.

With your away message up, your friends will know where you are and why you aren't responding to your messages. Your friends will appreciate you taking the time to let them know where you are, rather than always having to guess why you aren't responding.

....---======THE MORE YOU KNOW

Breaking news

My response to this article about banning "tag" at recess.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A bill proposed six months ago was voted into law today by the House of Representatives. The new law will raise the minimum legal age for the playing of tag, football, soccer, four square, dodgeball, hide-and-seek, and a host of other violent activities to 21. The law raises the age from 18, because, as one representative put it, "kids are still getting hurt. They are breaking the law and playing these games illegally, and once they reach the age of eighteen the number of injuries skyrockets. Americans need to be mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with playing before they start becoming involved in these activities.”

Many American parents are overjoyed at the new law. “Finally, I can focus on choosing my college-aged children’s classes in college and making phone calls when the professors hurt their feelings, rather than having to worry that they might be engaging in physical activity with other human beings,” exclaimed one mother.

“This is fantastic,” said a conservative right-wing nutjob. “I’m so happy I almost forgot that homosexuals are having loving relationships with each other in the privacy of their own homes!”

“This is one thing we can finally agree on,” added one liberal douchebag. “My poor schnookums is safe from harm, and I’ve even decided to let him live on campus at school, a full seven miles from home, provided he calls every day for me to come tuck him in at night.”

Of course, there are still problems with the system. “The number of juvenile arrests has tripled in the last two years,” said a local police chief. “Kids are trying their damnedest to dodge the law and play these games in secret – mostly at night in abandoned quarries, warehouses, construction sites, and other such places. Come to think of it, having to dodge the law is causing these kids to behave more dangerously than they used to.”

“That would stop if only they would start obeying the law,” responded a supporter of the new change, adding that if they are so determined to get themselves injured, then they should be locked up in juvenile hall for their own safety.

Not all parents are happy with the law. “If my kid wants to run around and get hurt,” proclaims one father, “she should be able to. It’s part of growing up. It’s up to the parents to make sure nothing unacceptable is happening, not the government. Kids have been playing outside for thousands of years, and it’s never done any harm yet – in fact, it’s how they learn! Taking these things away from them is only going to damage them later in life! IS ANYONE LISTENING TO ME??? HAS THE WORLD GONE CRAZY????” The man was taken away in handcuffs and charged with disorderly conduct.

Several psychologists were expected to be on hand to provide their expert opinions on the subject, but most of them have mysteriously gone missing. The rest were last seen clutching government checks.

William F. Asshat, Esq., one of the new change’s most vocal supporters, made a public statement: “Today we have made a great leap in our struggle, but it is only just beginning. We need to continue to fight to keep our children safe, without ever having to take responsibility for the things they do. Today’s victory will offer even greater inspiration for parents to take a stand against their outdated obligations, and we will be certain to continue to sue every organization that encourages the brutal treatment of children, as we have for the past ten years.” Asshat is a multi-billionaire with no children of his own. Rumors have begun to circulate that his next move will be to try to outlaw shoelaces, as children might strangle themselves with them. The crusade will begin with class action lawsuits against all companies that manufacture the lethal devices. Asshat could not be reached for comment after his speech.

August 2008, Associated Press