Brief Satire

A short satirical rant written out of boredom at work one day during a bout of terrible weather.

I'd very much like to sleep. I'm sure when I get home tonight I still won't be able to sleep. There'll be more thunderstorms, and then more heat, and then more thunderstorms... If there's a God, she's PISSED.

It's because of the gays of course. Too many of them walking around going unsmitten. All of the decent heterosexuals of the world will just have to suffer the punishment for not tying all the gays to fences and beating them to death. They're all desperately trying to make up for it now, of course, outlawing gay marriage and protesting at soldier's funerals, but it's a day late and a dollar short. There's still living, breathing homosexuals walking this earth, falling in love with each other and forming happy families, and that just plain gives God the willies.

Certainly couldn't have anything to do with the fact that we're pumping a thousand times more CO2 into the air than the plant life can handle, and then raizing the rainforest to the ground just in case they might have had a chance. Couldn't possibly the pollution from burning fossil fuels. After all, God created the earth for our use - he most certainly would not have designed it so that we could upset the natural balance of things.

After all, he dropped us on earth and said "have a good time!" He taught Adam how to kill things, and Eve how to cook and clean and mind the children and keep her body hidden, and when we finished hunting all the dinosaurs, he just created new animals for us to kill. In fact, we really should be finishing off the rest of those endangered species so that we can see what new animals God will make for us next!

Surely, if the rest of the women in the world are covered up and kept quietly in the home with the kids, and the rest of the gays are violently beaten to death with rocks or shot down with sub-machine guns, God will be so proud that he'll provide us with all the coal we could ever want to burn for energy.

Come to think of it, if we could build some sort of camp to send all the gays to, it would be much easier to dispose of them all at once. We could even tell them it was for their own good to live together in one community rather than breathing the same air as the heterosexuals, you know, make them feel comfortable with the idea. Then, once they get there, we could shoot them all or even just gas them, probably cheaper that way. Their belongings would become property of the state, of course. And once they were all disposed of, there would never be another homosexual again, since they couldn't pass their nasty gay-germs on. Not to mention that it would be the end of AIDS and meth use.

Everyone would have to be careful to cover their faces with masks, so they didn't inhale any of the germs. The last thing we would need is another outbreak of Gay.