Angry Poem

A poem written in anger at a friend who hurt me.

you want a poem?
i'll give you a fucking poem.

a poem with no rhythm unless it's spoken aloud
--no
SCREAMED and slammed against the wall to make it appropriate for my mood

slam poetry
a slammed poem
i lack the strength to slam it hard enough
for regardless of my strengths
I. Am. Weak.

powerless.

i sent you a slammed poem on that cd that i put so much work into
you made fun of the cd
and made no comment on the track

I. Am. Weak.

powerless to stop myself from being myself from being so powerless

and i am strong

Stronger than you.

if only i had your strength.

the strength to deny who i am, what i want, how i act, what i feel
the strength to hold it in
to lie to the world

I don't.

anyhow, what you don't say is always easier to read than what you do
those are my words
i do not give you permission to say them to someone else

i go on about Truth
Truth is, no one will ever truly want me
Truth is, anyone i'm unfortunate enough to fall for gets bored of fucking with my head before long
Truth is, i scare the hell out of everyone when they realize i'm really like this
Truth is, i will always be alone
i will never feel at home
i will spend my life Alone

i am in a mood
because of what you did
to avoid putting me in a mood

because i'm at work and not in your arms
because you will never hold me as i fall asleep
because where i am sitting now i am not allowed to cry
i am in a mood

would i rather be used than alone?
i suppose i think so

i'm a walking contradiction Because
THAT is what a human being is
when you strip away the bullshit

you can make me smile without even trying
you have to work hard to make me frown

Do you know how to slam a poem?

you don't write it on flowered paper sprayed with perfume
you don't seal it with a kiss
you don't whisper it into your lover's ear
you scream it
SCREAM IT
at whoever is there
at the audience
at your family
at the mirror
at a Brick Wall
you fluctuate the volume of your voice
you make dramatic pauses and take deeper breaths than you should
you may even hyperventilate
Words Tumble Forth With Endless Passionate Emotion And
there is rarely a rhyme scheme

you asked me for my voice
for the silence less harsh
wouldn't you prefer silence to the screaming nonsense in my head?

I haven't written a poem in years.

a pretty love poem for her, not for me, because i'm not close enough to fuck

A B A B A B A B, in iambic hexameter
A A B B C C D D, or iambic pentameter

there's plenty of templates for lines that other people have written
ending in rhyming words
a waltz or a march or some other musical bullshit

this shell has seen changes
gone through different phases
has been certain then lost
is unsure of the cost of it all

i can rhyme
there's no point

it's not nice to rip apart and make fun of everything i worked so hard to send you
it's not nice to immediately brag about the poem you are writing for another woman
it's not nice to ask my opinion while ignoring my question about what it's for
it's not nice to tell me my opinion counts for nothing because i'm... Biased.

i said what i said, i've meant every word
i don't know what to do
what to say
what to think
what to believe
what's the truth

I've never lied to you. I never will.

do i scare you because i mean what i say?

i'm in a mood
it will pass