Catullus 16

My translation of Catullus 16, known amongst Latin students as the funniest poem to ever be translated in front of an aging classics professor:

Original Latin:

Pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo,
Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi,
qui me ex uersiculis meis putastis,
quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum.
nam castum esse decet pium poetam
ipsum, uersiculos nihil necesse est;
qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem,
si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici,
et quod pruriat incitare possunt,
non dico pueris, sed his pilosis
qui duros nequeunt mouere lumbos.
uos, quod milia multa basiorum
legistis, male me marem putatis?
pedicabo ego uos et irrumabo.

English Translation:

I will screw you in the ass and mouth,
catcher Aurelius and pitcher Furius,
who consider me by my little verses,
because they are wussy, to be too little virtuous.
For it is right for the devoted poet to be pure
himself, but his little verses need not be;
which then at last have taste and charm,
even if they are wussy and too little virtuous,
and they are able to incite what itches,
I do not speak to boys, but to these hairy men
who are unable to set hard loins in motion.
You, because you read my many thousands of kisses,
think that I am unmanly?
I will sodomize and throat-rape you.